The Difficulties of Living Through Shame

And my attitude as a saved and sanctified soul is that of profound, humble holiness (there is no such thing as proud holiness). It is a holiness based on agonizing repentance, a sense of inexpressible shame and degradation, and also on the amazing realization that the love of God demonstrated itself to me while I cared nothing about Him.

~Oswald Chambers

Yesterday evening, the Lord blessed me with a landmark discussion with some of my closest loved ones. The conversation began innocently and superficially as most conversations with family do. The question that seemed to turn the tide was when I asked whether each person knew for sure they were going to heaven. The variety of doubt expressed revealed a limited understanding of grace and forgiveness. It broke my heart, but encouraged me that the idea could be discussed in such a group.

The evening closed with my father and I alone, talking about why hating sin and loving the sinner was so difficult. I realized that if hating a person for his/her viewpoints is possible in a man, grace will never be understood. Seeing each living thing in the Universe as a perfect creation from God doesn't leave much room for hate. Just as one can pass judgment and resent a person for their viewpoints, he will likely internalize that very attitude upon himself. It is this simple creation of guilt that bars so many from accepting what is so freely given. Lord please lift the veil.

My Right to Myself

"The nature of sin is not immorality and wrongdoing, but the nature of self-realization which leads us to say, "I am my own god." This nature may exhibit itself in proper morality or in improper immorality, but it always has a common basis— my claim to my right to myself." ~Oswald Chambers

Oswald continues this fascinating discussion by pointing out the drastically different way that Christ approached people. Christ intimately knew the heart, the nature of a man-He had no care for whether the man lived moral or if a woman happened to live immorally.

Can I live this way? Can I cast off my appreciation for clean, starched shirts, nice shoes, good eye contact and a command of the English language as a large tools in my measurement of a man? Watch the life of Jesus. I suppose the man never looked anywhere but the eyes. I am sure he had a way of pulling out all of your stops with just one look. When a person knows you inside and out, its impossible to build a facade. May I see the face of Jesus in all the people I interact with today. May my vulnerability and integrity in Christ be so close to the surface that others are disarmed and refreshed with a little peak of the amazing gift the Holy Spirit has landed in us.

Understanding Worship

"5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My ^[c] soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me."

~Psalm 42:5-7

Deep calls to deep. Although the phrase is well-worn in today's church and society, the profound nature of the statement hasn't tarnished. As a man for whom creation is a poignant illustration of God's hand, I have always enjoyed photography, art and video.

I published a collection of links that for now has only one link (on the right, underneath the previous posts). What an interesting commentary on the worship tendencies of humanity. Very seldom do we attempt to take pictures of things that we care little for, and even less seldom would we go through the trouble of uploading those images to a blog. In watching this continually evolving, never repeating commentary on the passions of the technological world, I have been granted a new insight to worship and the hearts of those nameless faces surrounding me every waking hour.

I long to have worship such a part of my being that my depth is constantly in communion with my Creator. My mind is taken to a childhood memory of trying to get to the bottom of the community swimming pool. A willingness to let go of everything around me, exhale the air from my lungs, and sweep my hands upward suddenly plunged me into the deep with a graceful ease. A place that not everyone goes, and a new understanding of the world.

What am I holding on to in my everyday life? What things seem as important as the air to my lungs? Why am I inhibited in letting go of everything and prostrating myself before my God? May God grant us a boldness in approaching the throne every chance we get.