Being a Man Worth Loving

I had the good fortune to read several great articles lately. The articles are part of the resources offered at FamilyLife.org. Like most men (I would venture to say), I struggle with presenting the same passion and characteristics of direction for my family as I do in helping lead change at work.

As I've given though to this phenomenon, I don't think it is happening for lack of care. More than anything, I think I suffer from lack of clearly defined metrics (to put a business box around it). Most of us know that a good plan with well-conceived and realistic milestones is a wonderful way to help drive action steps and success for a project. For men (me at least), I struggle to plan this same way for my family and especially for my wife and our relationship.

Understanding the problem isn't difficult-our marriage is good-our marriage needs to be great. Unfortunately, I'm having some difficulty visualizing a work-plan. As a man, I realize that this difficulty stems from my lack of confidence in the tools I'm working with. While I continually try to be a better man of God, I know that I've not tried hard enough to define what a Godly husband and father looks like. If I would give half the time to reading and studying this that I give to business novels, I might have an easier time of it.

I read two great things today that should help me define this:

1. "The single thing that marks every aspect of Jesus' life was a driving sense of cause. "THIS is who I am, THIS is what I do, THIS is where I am going ... and why don't you come, too? He was a man on a mission. That's what swept strong men along in His wake. That's what persuaded them in a heartbeat to drop their fishing nets or hammers or ledgers or whatever else they were doing and follow Him. Suddenly whatever had preoccupied them seemed pallid and tame and slightly irrelevant. The Man who called them was a burning Reality. A Great Light. How could they help but saddle up and trail along?"
2. "McDonald's success as the world leader of fast-food franchises came about because the company became a careful student of the customer. In the same way, one key to thriving in your relationship is to understand your wife. This is not to suggest that you should try to manipulate her. Rather, as you invest time and effort to understand your wife, you'll discover how to define romance using your wife's dictionary. I have to admit that I defined romance for years using my distinctly male dictionary. We men spell romance: sex. However, I've learned when I want to communicate romance with Barbara, I'd better understand how she defines the word! As a husband does this, he understands the three nonnegotiables for a romantically satisfying relationship: security, acceptance, and an emotional connection."

The first quote is adapted from the book Tender Warrior by Stu Weber, the second is from an article by Dennis Rainey entitled "The Irresistible Man." I am challenged by both of these excerpts because the issue is very much about leadership. You can't lead those whom you don't understand. To use some Lean philosophy, if we do not understand what creates value for our wives-the ultimate customer-we will spend our time in overproduction waste in some other area.

Once we prompt ourselves to understand these values, it should be much easier to set our eyes on a Christian vision for our family and passionately lead. People, even our wives, will follow a passion that clearly creates value for them.